Stop Asking!

Sometimes you might be able to predict your future and able to see where you will be in the next 6 months, a year or even 5 years. Other times you will find that you have no idea where you will be in the near future. The future is not always predictable, it is more often unpredictable and uncertain.

 

I am the type of person who likes to plan. Whenever my family go for our holiday, I'd be the one planning the itinerary, looking for accommodation, flights, and places to go, to see and to eat (being Asian, we love to travel the distance just to 'eat' at good, recommended places :p).  For some reason, having a plan makes me feel 'safe' and 'secure'. In a sense I know what's going to happen and I can 'predict' the trip. If better things come up, I can happily discard my plan for something better, but if nothing else comes up, at least we're not wasting our precious time wandering around in places we do not know just because we don't plan.

 

Not everybody is like me though. Not everybody is a planner. My mum for example, is so completely the opposite. She's the most spontaneous, most random person in the world. She can wake up one morning and decide to take a 3 hours drive down South without any planning whatsoever. No particular destination, no booking for accommodation. She always says "Yah jalan ajah... ntar juga ketemu", meaning "Just go, just drive, we'll get somewhere somehow". I often choose not to participate in her random travelling, but the ones I experience were a mix between good experience and time wasters. Surprisingly, things just seem to 'work out' no matter how unplanned or how random she is.

 

Me and my husband are complete opposite as well. I like to plan, he doesn't. Well he does, but only to a very limited degree, like planning to wake up at 3 am in the morning to watch the soccer game for example. That's probably about the only planning he does.

 

Lately we've been having discussions about our lives, the ministry, our family, etc, you know, the usual family talk. This year in particular, V feels a really strong calling to step out into fulltime ministry, and although I don't particularly feel that fulltime ministry is my calling, I certainly feel the calling to be more involved and to spend more of my time, energy and talent for the sake of His Kingdom. So I said I will fully support his decision if that's what he feels is his calling. However, the one thing that I find difficult is the concept of not knowing what to do or where to begin.

 

If V quits his fulltime job tomorrow for ministry, it's not exactly like he's signed a contract to work somewhere else, where he knows what date he starts, what hours he will be working, what he's going to do and how much he's going to earn. If he quits tomorrow, we both will be stepping out blindly and the thought of it feels like we're leaving this nice bright and comfortable home to travel into the dark forrest where you cant even see more than 1 meter ahead. Well, that's just me being faith-less I guess. 

 

Me being a 'planner' always wants to know what's going to happen. Time and time again I pray to God, simply asking (or telling) God of my future and how it should be or how I want it to be, and it is difficult to learn that sometimes God just wants you to step out blindly! 

 

When Jesus asked Peter to step out of the boat, Peter didnt ask Jesus "will I walk on water? will you hold my hand? what's gonna happen?" He just did! He walked on water until he began to feel scared when he saw the wind, and immediately he began to sink. 

 

In Acts 8:26-40 Phillip was asked by the angel of the Lord to go to the 'desert road'. Phillip didnt ask "What for? What do you want me to do there? Tell me the plan and I'll see if I agree to it". He just went. When he got there, he saw this man sitting on his chariot, reading the book of Isiaiah. Again, the angel of the Lord told him to go near him, and again, Phillip simply went, he simply obeyed. No question asked. In the end, the man gave his life to the Lord and asked to be baptised, and the story has an amazing end, all of a sudden Phillip dissapeared! Vanished! Like a ninja. The Spirit of the Lord took him somewhere else to begin another work.

 

I know it would be cool if the Spirit of the Lord could just take me from one place to another like what happened to Phillip, or if I could be invisible, or if I could read people's minds, or just have some super power. However, that's not the point. The point is that sometimes we have to just simply obey. No question asked. It is something I am teaching myself to do at the moment. To be sensitive to His calling, and to simply obey. It's ok to plan and to organise your life, but I cant plan absolutely everything, and it is ok to just let your life flow and be surprised with what God brings into your life tomorrow.

 

All I need to do is remind myself that God has been good for all these years. We have been blessed tremendously with everything we ever need and want, and blessed with things that money cant buy. Things like health, the love of our family, good company of friends, peaceful home, and many more. If our earthly employers can pay our salary and give us benefits, imagine how much more God can do for His 'employee', for those who devote their lives for Him. Afterall, He is the Creator of this Universe and every complicated being that is in it (including me), and there is no limit to what He can do for you and me.

 

Hebrews 11:1 - "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

 

One challenge for me... Stop Asking!